I have been typing about this all over the place and realized that it should have been its own topic.
Someone asked me if I was Autistic and I was raised back when Autistic had a very different definition. It was an interesting question to me because my coworker compares me to Rain Man and says that I can glance down at the floor and see how many toothpicks fell out of the box, but can’t figure out how to use a crosswalk. I don’t have the special abilities that I have seen in the people around me who are autistic, but I do have the self-consciousness, which is now called, “Autistic spectrum” and I have always attributed it to coming from abuse and from having a parental figure where if I got a 98 on a test, my father would ask, “What happened to the last 2 points?” leaving me with a “never good enough” self-consciousness. That got worse about 6 or 7 years ago when I had a major brain breakdown. I am still not sure whether it was a stroke or early onset Alzheimer’s or something else. I know that my blood sugar was out of whack and that I had aluminum in my brain and other things going on. It has taken me all this time to analyze it and I never did analyze it and have the thought, “I should have gone to the ER and see if I had a stroke” and I watched a TED Talk where a stroke researcher also didn’t have that “Go to the hospital” thought process. I lost my mind cognitively for a few years and am seeing real improvements, but I became more and more self-conscious because I knew I had offended people and scared them and caused them to blackball me when my brain was at its worst, so I separated myself and started just walking through it all by myself.
Long story, long. I had started using the M-1 for sleep, using it on my brain stem and it was working and really helping for sleep, but it had been a few years since I had used it for mental health things like depression or anxiety and I decided to use it for that again and put the coils on the sides of my head at the prefrontal cortex.
I did it based on what I read about Autistic children who had social anxiety and it said that the ACC of the brain was not communicating to the Prefrontal cortex that social situations were not dangerous and it wasn’t telling the Prefrontal cortex to calm down.
I decided to try it and I combined the M-1 on TMS setting and Binaural Beats - one, which said that it increased Serotonin, which people from abuse and Autistic people often tend to be low in and I started the session visualizing my ACC telling my Prefrontal Cortex that everything would alright and that it could calm down and then I tried to practice mindfulness and to silence my brain and just relax.
What happened was that I genuinely had an extreme lessening of social anxiety and self-consciousness. I ended up having 3 or 4 situations where I ended up in long conversations with strangers and I went to an event and sat with a whole table full of strangers and all of the social interaction went fabulous. Beyond my wildest dream. I didn’t have one second worrying about the event after the session and I still haven’t gotten the social anxiety back yet and I haven’t done another session yet because I wanted to see if it would last.
There is a fever and also a broccoli study with Autism where when the children get fevers, sometimes they suddenly get normal and eating broccoli in a study lessened Aberrant Behaviors by a statistically significant amount. At least one child was healed and they believe an epigenetic switch happened turning off his Autism. For the rest of the children, there are several mechanisms for why broccoli works. It increases Heat Shock Proteins, which affects the synapses of the brain. It affects something called Nrf2. It affects ROS and inflammation. It affects mitochondria.
I looked up PEMF and it does all of the things, which broccoli does and I have been eating broccoli and broccoli sprouts already, and maybe had some improvement, but it might be M-1, plus broccoli might work even better.
There have been so many things, which helped me get my brain back, but if it was a stroke, I know that I need brain plasticity and I found several mechanisms also which PEMF helps with brain plasticity. This is a long process.
Oh, I forgot, I experienced the whole thing as such a big brain healing that I expected to nail the Brain Gauge, which I have been scoring so low on. I have been scoring 5% every time on TOJ and 27% on Time perception and before the session which healed my self-consciousness, I scored 47% overall and felt like I was getting more and more self-conscious about the fact that I couldn’t seem to improve my score on the Brain Gauge and I could hear an internal voice, which maybe was doing the function my father did saying, “You are blowing it” and I found it so stressful that I took a week off and when I took it again after, I didn’t have test apprehension and I didn’t have any internal sense of “blowing it” in fact, I really felt like I “nailed it” but when all was said and done, I scored 5% on TOJ and 27% on Time perception, but enjoyed the whole test and didn’t feel a twinge of shame or any anxiety from messing up. What I noticed was that the “authoritative parental voice” and what it accurately knew about me messing up wasn’t there at all. Other times, I knew I had scored low, but this time, I didn’t know, and what happened is that a different part of my brain started monitoring that it was good to not feel self-conscious, but I also have to know that I might be blowing everything and just not have it become something negative to my psyche.
I say that because I had read about someone with “multiple personalities” who had one personality which was not allergic to orange juice. Do I believe in multiple personalities? I don’t believe that I have one, but I do understand that one part of my brain knew I was blowing the Brain Gauge test and when that part of my brain was shut down, I didn’t know I was blowing things.
Back to the TOJ. One time and only one time, I got nearly a perfect score on TOJ. The rest of the time, I have landed at 5% and thought it was performance anxiety, but I still got a 5% without ANY performance anxiety at all.
My tentative theory is that one part of my brain might score perfect on TOJ, but that part isn’t always the part of my brain engaged in the test.
Not sure what the brain scientists will say about that, but stroke seems to show me that one part of the brain getting injured gets rid of functions and brain plasticity can bring them back again in a different part of the brain.
I am not sophisticated at this process. I am just self-hacking and trying things, but I had such a fabulous time at the event I went to and never once “self-monitored” negatively. I was present and mindful the whole time and that was fabulous.
I wanted to add on that I hadn’t slept very much for over a decade - starting with years of having had to stay up until 4 or 4:30 with caretaking for 10 years and still having to go to work during the day. That has been better since using the ICES, but I say it regarding the TOJ and Time Perception. The time I really did nail the TOJ getting something like 98%, I scored 12% on Fatigue and that was accurate because I took the test at 2 in the morning. The times I have scored 5% on TOJ have been back and forth with fatigue being 100% and fatigue being 5% and the fatigue seems to match whether I sleep much of the time, but I have scored 86% on fatigue one time when I hadn’t slept at all the night before and I genuinely felt lucid and wide awake, it just didn’t have anything to do with having slept. I score 5% on TOJ whether I sleep 8 hours or not at all, but the time I nailed it, I hadn’t gone to bed yet and was tired.
It’s taking stress off my system which makes me feel better.